Victim of Love

The thoughts and prayers of a soul who deeply desires to Love God as He Himself desires to be Loved.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Knowledge of our weakness purifies us

This has been an awesome lent! One more week to go and then.... Easter!
Our gracious Lord has given me the grace to deny myself this lent in a way that I haven't been able to in years! What joy comes to the heart when little sacrifices are made for Love! The first three weeks of lent I was like a 'strong man'. I was able to live without all those little things that I was so attatched to: computer, chocolate, diet coke... They were really addictions.
It was during the fourth week that I fell. I broke my penance about three times. I was feeling a little sick and tired and then a thousand excuses came as to why I can 'have a little chocolate' or get on the computer to look something up. After taking pleasure in these created things the soul feels completely wretched. The suffering I felt for being unfaithful was not worth the miniscule pleasure that I received from eating and reading news that I really didn't need to know for any good or holy reason. Why did I do it when I knew it wasn't good for me? Because I am a weak sinner, that's why. So after a few days of suffering I thought to myself - how can this be redeemed? How can I make up for what I've done? And St. Joseph answered me on his feast day: "Offer up the suffering and humiliation you received because of your infidelity and all will be made new." And I believe, O my God, that you will give me even more than if I hadn't fallen at all. O my glorious and merciful Love, how great You are!
This reminds me of something that happened during my sorrowful time of sin a few years ago. I was suffering one day so much that I had to lay down on the couch. As I lay there in my grief the pain increased so much that I said to myself, "What is happening to me?"
My five year old son was on the floor with colors and paper and he was scribbling with a red color and as I was asking this question to myself he cried out in his sweet little voice, "It's the fire of God's Love! It's the fire of God's Love!" From the mouth of babes...


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